What 52 Years Have Taught Me

52 Lessons Earned Through Breakdowns, Reinventions, and the Reality of Mortality

Today is my birthday. Birthdays for me are a time of reflection. Every year I have two rituals… I take a shirtless bathroom selfie to keep myself accountable to my fitness, and I add a yearly lesson to the list I’ve been keeping since I turned 40.

The tradition continues, although I’ll spare you the shirtless selfie.

Here are the 52 lessons I have learned in 52 years.

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1. You must believe in yourself before anyone else does

2. Your wounds are yours to heal, your pain is yours to allay, your suffering is yours to soothe

3. Find friends who share your values but not all your opinions. You learn more that way

4. Have an honor code. Know what you stand for, fight for, will bleed, scar and die for

5. Contemplate death everyday. This is the cure to procrastination.

6. Choose romantic partners not by type, looks or status but by how they grow themselves, you, and others

7. Honesty is kinder than kindness

8. Seek purpose over power and popularity

9. Seek meaning over money

10. We humans are simultaneously insignificant and immensely powerful

11. Beauty is an energetic thing, so is ugly

12. You learn the most about people when they are stressed or inconvenienced

13. Easy is earned

14. You are an example and an experience to all you interact with. What do you want to leave them with?

15. No one ever became less fearful by avoiding their fears

16. Have boundaries, don’t carry baggage

17. Expectations and assumptions for others should be avoided at all costs

18. The truth is almost always in the grey zone

19. Fulfillment is what you want, not happiness

20. The way to soothe emotional suffering is to take a lot of long walks and do your work.

21. Move in the morning, create during the day, reflect in the evening

22. We are here to learn, to teach, and to love

23. It’s not leap and the net will appear… it’s leap and weave the net as you fall

24. Everything does not happen for a reason. Things happen and you make a reason

25. It’s not rise to the occasion… it’s create the occasion

26. The only things you can count on in life are change and death

27. Good people following bad ideas do horrible things

28. Smart people are rendered idiots by bias and dogma

29. Lying is poison to the soul

30. You understand yourself by watching yourself in action with others

31. Age does not correlate with maturity

32. Books and barbells serve better than beers and ballgames

33. A pretty face is of little credit. We all grow, get ugly, and die. The question is, is the world better for you being here?

34. Sometimes you must live your way into the answer

35. The cure for pain is to heal that same pain in others

36. Voluntary exposure to toxic people makes you the toxic one

37. Emotions are meant to be felt, not lived

38. Regret is a choice

39. Scared people are the most dangerous people

40. You must kill your old self to become your new self

41. If you’re doing everything right and not getting results, you’re not doing everything right

42. When in doubt, ask “What would love do? What would courage do?”

43. Have the courage to be disliked

44. There are two types of freedom, the freedom of all choices and the freedom of one committed choice

45. Stop waiting for apologies

46. Compliments and criticisms are feedback. They say more about the person giving them than they say about you

47. The best revenge is not to be that way

48. We get closer to truth by dismantling our beliefs, not defending them

49. Never allow anyone to treat you in a way you are not, or no longer wish to be

50. The greatest gift we can give is the authentic telling of our story of struggle

51. Your job is how you make money, your work is how you make a difference.

52. We are all vulnerable to illness and injury. Perfect health and a six pack won’t save you. Life is 100% fatal.