Instinct Keeps You Stuck… Intuition Sets You Free
You think it's intuition... It's really instinct and your life is suffering
Most people don’t realize their “gut feeling” can be lying to them.
We’re taught to trust our instincts. But instinct isn’t wisdom. Instinct is conditioning. It’s your old beliefs, your fears, and your past experiences recycling themselves. That’s why instinct feels familiar.
Intuition, on the other hand, feels foreign. It shows up like a flash of knowing that doesn’t quite make sense at first. It doesn’t always feel comfortable, but it points to growth.
And then there’s intellect. Intellect is the bystander. It sits in the head, analyzing and weighing evidence. Intellect can help you see the difference between instinct and intuition... but it can also get hijacked by fear if you’re not careful.
Here’s the simplest way to remember it:
Instinct = Gut = Fear = Familiar
Intuition = Heart = Love = Foreign
Intellect = Head = Detached Observer
The Big Idea
The Two Roads Metaphor
Imagine standing at a fork in the road.
The first road is the familiar road. It feels safe because it’s known. It’s lined with beliefs you’ve carried for years, habits you’ve repeated, and emotions you’ve felt a thousand times. Choosing this road doesn’t feel risky. It’s the devil you know.
But here’s the trap: the familiar road loops. You find yourself running the same patterns again and again... the same obstacles, the same frustrations, the same heartbreaks. It leads you back to the fork every time.
The second road is the foreign road. At first glance, it looks dark, uncertain, even dangerous. Everything in your instinct screams, “Don’t go that way.” But this is the road of intuition. It feels foreign because it leads you somewhere you haven’t been. And once you step onto it, the fear turns into fulfillment. The path opens into growth, new opportunities, and a sense of freedom the familiar road could never give you.
The question is: Do you follow fear and stay on the known road, or do you trust love and take the unknown one?
The Breakdown
A Personal Story
For years, I kept choosing the familiar road in relationships.
I grew up with a mother who was both deeply loving and emotionally volatile. That conditioning wired me to become hyper-aware of emotions... and untrusting of them, especially in women. It also made me a people pleaser.
So when I started dating, guess what I was drawn to? Women who were either emotionally unpredictable (like my mom) or overly needy (where I could play the rescuer). Instinct was running the show. It felt familiar, but it always ended the same way: frustration, drama, and a sense that I was stuck in a loop.
Intuition whispered something different. It nudged me toward women who were calmer, lighter, and more emotionally stable. But here’s the truth: at first, those women didn’t feel attractive to me. They felt boring. Foreign. My instinct told me, “This isn’t it.”
And yet... the more I leaned into that foreign road, the more I found fulfillment. The calmness that once felt unfamiliar became fun. The lightness became love. The foreign road led to growth.
It was my intellect that helped me break the pattern... spotting the difference between instinct (fear-based attraction to volatility) and intuition (love-based draw toward stability). Without that detached witness, I would’ve kept circling the same loop.
How to Tell the Difference
This is where most people get stuck. Instinct and intuition can feel identical. Both hit at a gut level. Both feel like truth in the body. And when you add intellect to the mix, it usually doesn’t lead... it follows. Most people’s intellect serves instinct, not intuition. That’s why we say humans are emotional, not rational.
So how do you tell which voice is speaking to you? Think of it in three lenses:
1. Feedback Loop (Evidence in Your Life)
Your life is already giving you the evidence. Look at the patterns:
Instinct creates loops: repeated patterns, recurrent obstacles, stuck emotions, circling struggles. Doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result isn’t insanity... it’s instinct.
Intuition creates openings: synchronicities, positive signs, elevated emotions, new opportunities, serendipities. Intuition breaks loops and introduces novelty.
2. Body Compass (Heart, Gut, Head)
Your body gives you a map:
Gut (Instinct) ... fear-driven safety mechanism. It reacts fast, but it pulls you toward the familiar.
Heart (Intuition) ... love-driven knowing. It nudges you toward the foreign, even when it feels risky or uncertain.
Head (Intellect) ... the observer. It doesn’t lead... it analyzes. The key is training your head to discern whether you’re repeating an old loop (instinct) or opening a new path (intuition).
3. Dominant Emotions (AFRAID vs. ELEVATED)
Your emotions tell the story:
Instinct = AFRAID emotions: Anger, Frustration, Resistance, Anxiety, Insecurity, Depression. These emotions are protective but keep you circling.
Intuition = ELEVATED emotions: Enjoyment, Love, Excitement, Vitality, Appreciation, Trust, Engagement, Delight. These emotions expand you and move you forward.
The BEING Framework
Being is not just what you do. It’s how you see, think, feel, choose, and act.
See = Intuition ... direct knowing, the sudden shift in perspective. You don’t believe it, you know it.
Think = Intellect ... the reasoning mind, useful as a filter, but never the leader.
Feel = Instinct ... emotional conditioning, powerful but fear-driven.
Before you can be different, you must first see differently. That’s the job of intuition: it changes your vision so the rest of your being can follow.
Ancient Wisdom Connection
This isn’t just psychology. Ancient traditions knew this too.
Buddhism’s prajna is a lot like our intuition... direct insight into truth.
Instinct parallels samskara ... the conditioned patterns that trap us in cycles.
Intellect is most like vijnana ... the discriminating mind that can help us tell the difference.
And just as those traditions taught, the goal isn’t to throw any of them out. It’s to know which one you’re listening to.
Practical Takeaway
When you stand at the fork, instinct will beg you to choose the familiar road. Intuition will nudge you toward the foreign one. Intellect is the witness that can tell which is which.
One road keeps you looping. The other road leads you forward.
The question is: Are you willing to leave the familiar and step into the foreign?
Closing Thought
Fear circles. Love expands.
The fork is always waiting.
PS
PS: If you’re ready to stop circling the same loops and actually learn how to trust your intuition... this is the exact work I do every day with clients. We rewrite the story, rewire the emotions, and retrain the nervous system so you can finally choose the foreign road and create a life that feels free. If that’s what you’re ready for,
click here to explore coaching with me.