This is fantastic. It so happens that yesterday I had a moment where someone who's been in my life a very long time showed me cruelty and then tried to move on like nothing happened. I could have done what I've always done, go along with it and shield him from the consequences of his bad behavior, but I didn't. Before I would have continued chatting with him about inconsequential things while seething with resentment and trying to find the balance between sounding friendly enough to hide my anger and distant enough to not feel like I was completely betraying myself, which is so draining. But instead I realized that I could just...not respond. I told him he was cruel, he didn't care and doubled down on it, and then he tried to chat about my Thanksgiving plans? No thank you. And today I woke up feeling like I live in a brand new world.
How interesting. I’ve been struggling with my relationship with my husband of 30 years. I feel like he considers me an extension of himself and gets sulky when I do my own thing. When I try to communicate with him he interrupts me constantly and talks down at me. I’ve been spending years tolerating his mean and controlling behavior. I’m at the point I just want to divorce him for peace and quiet. I’ve never stood up to him. I never thought to put it that way to say I love you but fuck you. You don’t own me nor do you have a right to tell me how to behave. He hates that I do things on my own without him from time to time or if I do something without telling him.
This is fantastic. It so happens that yesterday I had a moment where someone who's been in my life a very long time showed me cruelty and then tried to move on like nothing happened. I could have done what I've always done, go along with it and shield him from the consequences of his bad behavior, but I didn't. Before I would have continued chatting with him about inconsequential things while seething with resentment and trying to find the balance between sounding friendly enough to hide my anger and distant enough to not feel like I was completely betraying myself, which is so draining. But instead I realized that I could just...not respond. I told him he was cruel, he didn't care and doubled down on it, and then he tried to chat about my Thanksgiving plans? No thank you. And today I woke up feeling like I live in a brand new world.
Ugh! I hate that for you Jess. But good for you putting a stop to it
My new favorite mantra thanks to you my friend!
I love this! It so true how we change with age. I learned that boundary. I also was taught it by my partner.
So much respect for the relationship!
Thanks for sharing Dr Jade!
Thank you Renee
This! — “I love you… but fuck you” — is exactly what happens when a woman finally stops negotiating with her own truth.
It’s not rage. It’s not rebellion.
It’s the moment your nervous system chooses coherence over performance.
Beautifully articulated.
this is the one ☝🏾
💪🏽
Oh yes.
I smile as I look back and see many places in my life where I wish I was able to say this.
And I can see my self doing it now. That's growth right there.
Same. Good growth my friend.
How interesting. I’ve been struggling with my relationship with my husband of 30 years. I feel like he considers me an extension of himself and gets sulky when I do my own thing. When I try to communicate with him he interrupts me constantly and talks down at me. I’ve been spending years tolerating his mean and controlling behavior. I’m at the point I just want to divorce him for peace and quiet. I’ve never stood up to him. I never thought to put it that way to say I love you but fuck you. You don’t own me nor do you have a right to tell me how to behave. He hates that I do things on my own without him from time to time or if I do something without telling him.
i’ve been dealing with this exact same situation! thanks for sharing and we will be using these insights!
“I love you, but fuck you” can be translated as:
I’m yours, but you don’t own me.
I belong with you, but I don’t belong to you.
Appreciate you Heather